has it really been
that many days?
i swore i could never
forget your face
or the way your voice
bounced down the hall
when you called me from
the top of the stairs.
i miss the smell of your
hair at the back of your
neck when you’d just
come out of the shower.
all of these moments
are here somewhere,
tucked in my mind
needing only
a quick sound or just
a trace of a scent
and my mind will be
back there again…
thinking of you.
my heart rattles so much
these days, it feels like
a small sparrow is trapped
inside my chest.
some days i’d like
to be free of all the fluttering
and just let it go,
but i can’t.
there is a terrible loneliness,
this being alone.
i am so lost in this
oversized bed, that
most nights i just
curl up on the floor.
it’s crazy, i know.
i didn’t have enough
time to prepare,
even a hundred years
would have been too soon.
we always joked that
the passing of days
was counted by the phases
of the moon,
and here i am with
no one to help me wind
my watch properly or
keep track of the
minutes that are
passing into days.
but mostly, i am here
without you, and there
is no one to sit beside me
to help me count
how many moons
are left to be seen
or how many moons
have already gone.