pulling apart

how often

i had

confused your

outstretched hands

as a gesture of your

need for me.

i thought your words,

your poetry,

were songs my soul

could sing and dare

to dream again.

I thought your

whispered promises

would cradle and comfort

the hurts of my brain.

i had convinced


that you were sharing

in affection,

when in fact,

you were

just leading me along.

looking back,

through the years

i see the tears,

and the constant

tug of pulling apart.

i see just how close to the


i was spinning.

misreading so many things.

seeing love where

there was only pain.

those long stretches

of stoic silence

where you just

stared ahead…

never once looking

into my eyes,

sad reflections

that just longed to gaze

and drink from your’s.

i realize now,

there was never a chain

that linked us together,

nor a tether that tied

your heart to mine…

it was simply

one lonely soul

seeking a bit

of solace from

solitude’s smothering


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Allowing You

i want, Oh Lord,

to allow You

to guide not only my heart,

but also my feet,

and my hands.

i want to allow You

to remove from

my mind

every thought

every word

that is contrary

to Your plan.

i want to allow You

every last bit

of me… all that I am.

my joys and satisfactions.

my anguish and my pains.

Oh Lord, though I try

to transform

it cannot begin,

until I understand

that most of my

‘allowing You’

is really me

tying Your hands.

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the beginning of forever (without you)

mere hours into

an eternity of days

and my soul

is consumed in silence.

not the rich, deep

contemplative quiet

where saints are

formed and reared.

just the quietness

of ordinary days.

days where thoughts

fall too far back

into the crevices,

and caverns,

of the brain.

a place too vast,

still numbed with pain.

I haven’t yet the courage

or the strength

to crawl in there

to retrieve them.

like a handful of

released balloons,

all thoughts seem

to escape me.

staring straight

into distance,

i do not know

whether I am

glimpsing into the


or gazing into the past.

for in these moments of

utter solitude,

a paradox is birthed.

in my mind,

in this beginning

of forever,

time has both stopped

and lapsed.

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Pray Like St. Joseph

when the world’s lies

spin and cloud your brain,

when the truth is distorted,

causing untold pain.

look to St. Joseph and

his silent trust,

and ask the Lord

to give you as much.

when everything ‘Just’

seems to be broken,

ask the Lord for the

calm of St. Joseph.

When told by an angel

to take his family and flee,

he fought the temptation,

to ignore Thee.

So, let go of your doubts

release all your fear,

Follow St. Joseph’s obedience,

even when the message isn’t clear.

Help us always to be more like

him, who trusted Your Word,

and didn’t give in.


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Rain Down

the clock ticks on….

it is almost two,

a mist of rain gathers

in drops….that drip… drop…


puddles spread

into shadows,

that no one will stomp in….

splish….. splosh….

the rain stops.

thick damp blankets

settle on the ground

covering the early

morning hours

with dew…


the clock ticks on,

it is now after two.

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A Change Has Come


it is the whisper

of the gentle breeze,

embracing the tender

growth of trees.

Or may it be

the promise

of new beginnings

when spring buds

sprout forth meadow leaves.

Perhaps it is the

radiance of God’s bright sun

that penetrates and warms

the soul.

Whatever it is, a change has come.

there is a difference in

the air and soil.

A stirring in the

chambers of both

the heart and lungs.

Both blood and breath

have been reborn.

There is no denying it,

A change has come.

One that brings comfort and

drives away those nagging

doubts and fear,

that have covered us in darkness

all the long year.

In the brightness of a new dawn,

we are freed from past insults

and insecurities…

we are freed to believe

that we do belong

in the arms

of a merciful Father,

a loving God Who

has simply

loved us all along.

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give me courage, Lord

Oh Lord, help me

to not be discouraged

by my own weakness.

help me,

Oh Lord, I beg.

give me courage

to walk

towards You.

and when the

path becomes

steep with rocks.

help me that I may

not trip and stumble

over my own inadequacies.

when the path

becomes so narrowed

by the spread of my sins,

give me the strength

i need

so that I may not

give up and turn away.

allow that Your Sweet Lovely

Mother come take hold

of my hand,

and that She may help

guide my gaze upward

towards the summit,

towards the jagged peak

of the Savior’s Cross.

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all that’s left

faded memories

are all that is

left, save for a few

blurred images

quickly snapped

when no one was

looking straight into

the lense.

we stood next

to one another

not realizing that

those moments were it.

our final destination,

of sharing laughter

and believing in

that bond as


I look at our


the way our gaze

stretches out

over the choppy water

looking into a future

that isn’t there.

could we have known

it was all about

to end?

even now

it is difficult recalling

that we were

ever really friends.

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Mountain Home

Premium Photo | Breathtaking view of magnificent foggy carpathian ...

no longer

a slave

or an earthly scavenger…

feasting on empty promises.

filling my soul,

in vain

with midnight’s

words of poetry

and whispered dreams.


i am moving forward


the rising dawn.

i am heading

towards the hills,

towards those



where the Lord

patiently awaits…

calling me home.

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it is these painful

moments of missing

that smother

the heart the most.

with crushing intensity

the memories flood

and suffocate.

it is a suffering

of feeling alone.


there is the desire

of losing oneself

in the nostalgic swim of

memories ….

as they ebb and flow

whispering lies

about my worth…

causing a momentary

stage of ‘forgetting’

that it is precisely where

these tinges of pain

were birthed.

wavering, we are tempted

to allow ourselves

to be lulled

into going back.

to those carefree

sounds of laughter

between us.

and friendship bonds

that seemed strong.

but the facade has been


too much has changed.

bridges set aflame

with words

and burned.

revealing an angry truth.

insults hurled

over boundaries

that never should

had been crossed.

there will be no laughter

going back.

it is a forward,

narrow path.

walked alone.

in weakness,

without strength.

but the Lord

is rich in His Mercy.

and though

the path leads deep into

the darkest of nights.

my Faith prescribes

that i trust

in His Promise

of Hope.

i must die

to self

on the inside

and rely only

on His Truth…

His Eternal Light.

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