i have spent

many hours on my knees

pleading with the Lord to

touch my heart so that

i may love as He

wants me to Love.

for without His Divine

inspiration, it is hard

for me to discern when

i am to suffer

through the hurt

and pain of ‘love’ quietly,

but also to know when

i am supposed to turn

away from such kinds of ‘love.’

i have gone great distances

to move the mountains in

search of being loved.

but I have also fled

to far beyond the

grassy plains

where the earth stretches

up to touch the sun.

i have been alone out there

in the open sea of alone-ness

with no one left to hide behind.

time can be brutal because

it waits for no one.

moments merge into memories.

as the years continue

to pile up, i find that though

i am older, i am not much wiser still.

i can do nothing of my own.

Oh Lord, in all this time

of breathing and being alive

i haven’t learned if i am

supposed to stay

or leave all my belongings

behind and run.