has it really been

that many days?

i swore i could never

forget your face

or the way your voice

bounced down the hall

when you called me from

the top of the stairs.

i miss the smell of your

hair at the back of your

neck when you’d just

come out of the shower.

all of these moments

are here somewhere,

tucked in my mind

needing only

a quick sound or just

a trace of a scent

and my mind will be

back there again…

thinking of you.

my heart rattles so much

these days, it feels like

a small sparrow is trapped

inside my chest.

some days i’d like

to be free of all the fluttering

and just let it go,

but i can’t.

there is a terrible loneliness,

this being alone.

i am so lost in this

oversized bed, that

most nights i just

curl up on the floor.

it’s crazy, i know.

i didn’t have enough

time to prepare,

even a hundred years

would have been too soon.

we always joked that

the passing of days

was counted by the phases

of the moon,

and here i am with

no one to help me wind

my watch properly or

keep track of the

minutes that are

passing into days.

but mostly, i am here

without you, and there

is no one to sit beside me

to help me count

how many moons

are left to be seen

or how many moons

have already gone.