it is not so much the missing you

that stings.

but rather,

it is the missing of those

thoughts i had

of what your friendship

would bring.

i thought

that somehow because

of who you are,

that nothing could go wrong,

and i couldn’t be so bad.

instead of listening

to how the Holy Spirit

spoke to me,

i put too much stock

in omens and dreams.

like others before me,

i was always looking for a sign

that what I was doing was right.

being influenced by you

changed my own spiritual

growth,

and redirected my path.

even though there is

a bitter sweetness to these memories,

i must put away

any emotional ties,

and open my heart to the

Voice of the Lord,

and find my way back

to the journey of

who i was,

and who

i am still called to be.